Good but Not Saved

Add one cup of ice, two teaspoons of Quentin Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction,” one tablespoon of Steven Soderbergh’s “Ocean’s Eleven,” a pinch of “Black Sabbath,” and hit start. Out of the blender comes a novel barely worthy enough to top it off with a tiny umbrella. Jason Buhrmester’s “Black Dogs” is tale of roughhousing, rock n’ roll, and robbery. Juvenile Patrick Sullivan, gets the in-genius idea to commit nothing short of grand theft larceny by stealing a sum of $203,000 from Led Zeppelin, the greatest rock band of his age. With the help of his low-life friends, whom he is trying to redeem himself with, they get sent on misadventure after misadventure with a religiously reformed motorcycle gang called The Holy Ghosts, The Misty Mountain Hoppers, a dope smoking Zeppelin fan club, and many more hurdles that stand in the groups way of completing their mission. 

We are introduced to Patrick Sullivan, a teen from Baltimore bent on making things right with his best friend Alex, who did time in prison for Patrick’s more recent brilliant idea of stealing from Alex’s girlfriend. Patrick gets the idea to put together a crack team of four to commit the most unusual crime to date. Something similar to that of Tarantino’s opening of “Pulp Fiction.” Honestly, how many people rob a restaurant as opposed to one of the biggest rock bands in the world? Patrick’s first person point of view lacks development and leaves us annoyed with his constant references to “Black Sabbath.” Relating the references to the situation they were in would have been a more logical way to intertwine Patrick’s obsession. It seems the only thing Patrick and his team have in mind is a large load of money. That’s a sub-plot. Where’s the motivation?

Alex was Patrick’s best friend until he somehow got talked into robbing his girlfriend. Alex forgives Patrick too easily in the beginning. Any motivation that could be set for further chapters is lost as Alex is convinced to risk being thrown in prison for longer this time. It’s a reversal of “Ocean’s Eleven” without the same motivations from the main character. Hell, barely any motivation at all. Instead of the recently released prisoner making the plan, it’s the low-life friend that got him there in the first place. The story was between those two and lacked so much development. If a build up between them had been made, the climax could’ve been so much better.

Keith and Frenchy seem to be pointless to the story. Keith is a grimy thief that installs and steals back stereo systems. The business he works in was such a great idea. If Keith and his story would have been more developed, this could have added a lot to the larceny to come. But Keith gets thrown in jail for a majority of time. Frenchy plays guitar. Sure Frenchy comes through a third of the way but honestly, anyone could steal from Zeppelin like he did. Danny, Alex’s uncle, has a large role, but might as stay at home with his Grandma for the obvious fact that he’s totally useless. Emily and Tina are obviously the dumbest girls in the 70s. Being robbed by their boyfriends Patrick and Alex apparently drew them right back into their arms. Emily’s dialogue tends to make things too clear for us when she says things like “Yes, and you know it’s called the Misty Mountain Hoppers.”

We are also introduced to Tony Mancini. Keith’s employer in the installation business. When Keith is getting his $300 dollars from Mancini, a taped up shoe box is placed on the table. Then it’s left for our own interpretation? Why is it taped up? What’s in the box? Sadly it doesn’t benefit the story anymore but that small snippet of time. During the friends’ misadventures they stumble upon a few different groups of people. A malicious group of religious motorcyclists. Led by Backwoods Billy, the owner of a pawnshop that carries the one and only thing that can get Patrick in with Zeppelin. A ’58 Les Paul, one of the rarest guitars in the world. Sadly the guitar loses value after it’s stolen until they finally decide to sell it to Jimmy Page. Backwoods Billy may seem like a badass, but in his first meeting with Patrick he strikes a smile after Patrick says “I like Johnny Cash.” You do not smile at someone who has just stolen from you. We meet The Misty Mountain Hoppers, a Zeppelin fan club who’s main point is to be as pointless as possible and Boogie, a safe cracking genius that recently retired from his most recent line of work, vending machines.

Sadly this overdrawn tale trails past it’s prime. There are several aspects that are lost. That of the ’58 Les Paul, more threatening antagonists, and a friendship that could be revived if not done in the first few chapters. The story is laid out and could be done perfectly if not for the undeveloped groups and characters and lack of motivation. Don’t let “Black Dogs” steer you into the gates of Hell with Ozzy and his friends.